They just keep getting dumber

I like to say (mostly jokingly) that one of the great things about teaching at a community college is that there are a lot of attractive girls with very low standards. Some of my students are smart, and my classroom is just a stop on their way to someplace better. Some, though, are, by any reasonable definition of the word, dumb.

Incidentally, there seem to be two kinds of dumb: the not-knowing things dumb, and the lack-of-reasoning dumb. I see both on a regular basis. Some unhappy individuals have both.

I firmly believe that it's possible for most people to grow out of both of these kinds of dumb, so that's why I try not to be too hard on teenagers, who are likelier than most to be afflicted with both kinds. Most haven't had sufficient time to grow out of it. Still, it's hard for me not to make a snap judgment when reading this quote from a teenage girl who watched a midnight showing of 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon':

"I think it's probably the best love story ever written, and there's really something in it for everyone," one teen told News 8 at a Dallas movie theater.

The best love story ever written, huh? I have it on authority that the books are godawful, which begs the question: should this girl's teachers be embarrassed? Is it possible she's home-schooled?

"Something in it for everyone"? Really? Are there naked boobies? Because that's the only way I can think of to sit through this abortion of a movie. (That's how I made it through 'Brokeback Mountain', although I did vomit twice. Really.) Oops, I just checked, and the movie's PG-13. That doesn't bode well for the boobies. Or my enjoyment of the movie.

I tell myself, don't be too hard on the girl. It's good that she's reading at all. Hopefully she'll grow out of it and into much better things. And if not, well, maybe we have a future community college student on our hands. I hope she's hot.

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Movie Thoughts

Last weekend Mrs. Bart and I saw 'Pirate Radio'. I thought it was going to be Captain Jack Sparrow from 'Pirates of the Caribbean' taking a turn as a conservative AM talk show host, but no such luck. Instead it was an amusing, but largely forgettable, story about rock-n-roll in the UK in the 1960s.

If 'Pirate Radio' is to serve as my guide, here are the historical lessons I have learned about Britain in the '60s:

-DJs got really excited about listening to rock-n-roll music. So much so that they would occasionally yell "Rock-n-roll!", dance, and generally behave oddly.
-Women couldn't control their vaginas.
-The government is purposelessly evil. And old. And white.
-Everyone loves lesbians.

It's from the creators of 'Love Actually', which is a movie that I actually love. Maybe others are as ambivalent about that movie as I am about 'Pirate Radio'.

One thing 'Pirate Radio' does have going for it is a kick-ass soundtrack. No Beatles songs, but an amazing assemblage of music. It must have cost the movie-makers a fortune. Afterwards, Mrs. Bart said, "The Kinks have all that great music, and the only CD you have of theirs is 'The Village Green Preservation Society'?" Clearly I'm not as cool as these guys.

I do want to send a shout-out to the folks who cut the theatrical trailer for 'Brothers', with Jake Gyllenhaal, Toby Maguire, and Natalie Portman: Too Long. The trailer goes too far. There's little point to me seeing the movie now. You should have stopped the narrative with Toby saying "I want to talk to my wife," then done the actor-summary segment of each headliner looking sad / worried / anxious / confused etc., and that would have summed everything up nicely. Instead you show Toby going zombie-like berserk. It's like a nice movie turns into a horror thriller. I'm willing to bet that that's not actually how the movie goes, but due to your crappy trailer editing, that's what I think. And now I'm not going to see it. Unless Natalie Portman gets nekkid. I'll wait for the reviews on that one.

My "to-see" list of movies already out is getting lengthy: The Informant!, Whip It, Zombieland, and Skin. Coming up before the end of the year are Up in the Air, Invictus, The Lovely Bones, Avatar, and Sherlock Holmes. Not sure where I'll find the time to see all these, but I can probably work something out.

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Hey networks, WTF?

Here's a business model that makes sense to me. You have a "TV Event", and then a few weeks later the DVD comes out with extras, bonus scenes, commentary, etc. You maximize excitement for the original event, then the fanboys and those that missed it go out and buy the DVD without too much of a wait. It worked for the Battlestar Galactica: Razor TV movie in late '07.

Given that this seems like a good model (at least to me), I'm at a loss for why so many similar projects are being released on DVD first, before getting a network airing. For example:

1. Battlestar Galactica: The Plan. Possibly the last new BSG material ever. Released on DVD 10/27/2009. Network air date TBD.

Really, Syfy Network? The biggest show you've ever had, and you're not sure when you can squeeze in a made-for-TV movie that's chock-a-block full of Tricia Helfer?

2. Caprica 2-hour pilot episode. Released on DVD 4/21/2009. Set to air 1/22/2010.

A little part of me understands holding off on this airing until the rest of the series is ready to go. But seriously? You didn't have a couple of hours you needed to fill in the intervening 7 months, Syfy Network? Maybe some tasty ad spots to sell for the next big thing in the BSG universe?

3. Something, something, something, Dark Side. The Family Guy spoof of The Empire Strikes Back. DVD set for release on 12/23/2009. Set to air 5/16/2010.

Let's do a little math, shall we, Fox? You have a multi-million dollar investment in the Seth MacFarlane franchises. Blue Harvest (the Star Wars spoof) was one of the biggest Family Guy episodes of all time. It was a huge TV event. You can't get this aired before Christmas? Need to sit on it for another 5 or 6 months?

Maybe something important has changed since Battlestar Galactica: Razor was released. Maybe it's harder to put a program on a network than to digitize it, press millions of DVDs, and get them distributed to retail channels. Maybe. But I doubt it.

Anyone know what the frak is going on?

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An Armistice Day Treat

In honor of Armistice Day, here is a montage of pictures I took at the World War I National Memorial in Kansas City.

For best results, hit the little "full screen" button.



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Can't beat the original

Hmm, I don't want to get a takedown notice, so I'll have to be... discrete. (And real. And non-zero.)

A web site dedicated to a science fiction franchise recently featured a series of zombie-themed art. Here is an example of one of the pieces:

I enjoyed it. But what I really enjoyed was seeing the original a few weeks ago. I went to a convention dedicated to fans of this particular science fiction franchise, and several artists attended and brought their zombie-themed art. Imagine my surprise when I saw the actual piece:

HOLY CRAP, HE'S VOMITING BLOOD INTO HER MOUTH.

While I can understand editing it for the web, the real one is so much more gruesomely awesome... it really is true. You just can't beat the original.

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More great comics

I do love visual humor based on Canadian geography and politics. Like-a this-a:

Those poor Maritime Provinces. Haven't they been through enough already, Quebec? You selfish merde tete?

If you're like me, in that you love funny stuff and hate stock photography, you'll want to check out Francetucky. From the author / artist of the above.