Convenient for whom: the mystery of the mini Starbucks gift card

I was in a Starbucks recently. The only reason I got into Starbucks lately (rather than taking the drive-through) is to get a Song of the Week card. Look, if they want to give me free music, I'll take it. Or, I'll go in if I want to see what's in the baked goods case. The problem with their baked goods is now that they're complying with New York City's no-trans-fats or triglycerides or whatever-the-hell-NYC-is-banning-in-food rules, all their baked goods everywhere kind of suck. So thanks, City of New York, for ruining snack time all across America.

At any rate, I was in Starbucks, and I noticed that there's a new option for your Starbucks gift card: you can get it in keychain size. It's smaller, and there's a little hole in one corner.

My first thought was, how convenient! My second thought was, that's the least convenient thing I've ever seen.

I foresee 2 scenarios where you'd want to use a gift card at Starbucks. And before I kick those scenarios off, I'm going to assume that most people are like me, in that they have separate key chains for their car key / remote control, and their house & other miscellaneous keys. If you're one of these types that has only one key ring, God bless you, you're a better person than I am. For the rest of us, I'm assuming 2 rings.

Scenario 1: the drive-through. You pull up & want to pay using your handy gift-card-on-your-key-ring. But where is it? If it's on your car key ring, it's dreadfully inconvenient to hand that to the barista through the window, seeing as you'd have to turn your car off and remove the key. If it's on your house / other key ring, you have to fish in your purse of pocket for the keys, and that's no more difficult than fishing for your wallet and your regular gift card.

Scenario 2: the order-in. You don't have to worry about a card, but the result is the same in that it's just as easy to reach for your wallet as your key ring.

So who are the people that Starbucks hopes will pick up these new gift cards? Did their marketing research tell them that there's an entire untapped market that, once they have the option of putting their gift cards on their key rings, will start spending money at Starbucks willy-nilly? Or, does the CEO's nephew work for the company that makes these key ring gift cards, and this is some sweet nepotism in action?

I'll leave that question to the corporate watch dogs. I'm sure they'll get on this right after the worldwide financial crisis is tied down.

Check out the rest of my blog!

Bad news for Minneapolis tourism

Mrs. Bart and I just pulled the trigger on a trip to Minneapolis / St. Paul (the "Sin Cities" - if you don't get that reference then I have a DVD you need to borrow) in early September. Plus side: the weather should be nice. Down side: I don't have high hopes for their tourism options.

That's because when I pulled up the Convention & Visitor's Bureau web site, there was a big section encouraging locals to be tourists in their hometown. And as I've previously noted, that's a bad sign.

One thing I could do: visit my chosen suburb in the Twin Cities, Little Canada. Enjoy a crepe and some lacrosse.

Perhaps I could visit the office of new U.S. Senator Al Smalley. Stewart Franken? Whoever. The guy with creepy little Daschle glasses.

There's the enormous mall... intellectually it doesn't seem like a must-see, but maybe it's one of those "must be seen to be believed" things.

Any ideas? Any Twin City afficionados in the audience?

Check out the rest of my blog!

Religion quiz

How did I score on an online religion quiz? Visit Mormania to find out!

Best fake podcast ever

This may be a little too "inside baseball", in that it's "inside Los Angeles talk radio", but you really should take a listen to the Fake Leykis Podcast.

It's not the real Tom Leykis, who for years taught young men not to knock women up, get married before age 30, or spend more than $40 on a date. Rather, it's Fake Tom Leykis (aka self-deprecating comedic genius Brian David Whitman) doing fake interviews, laughing inanely, busting out with additional dead-on impressions, and calling all women bitches. I burst into uncontrollable laughter several times today listening to the two episodes that are currently available.

You don't have to be familiar with the Tom Leykis oeuvre in order to appreciate the keen parody, but familiarity adds several layers of enjoyment for me. (I'm also familiar with the Leykis parody, as Fake Leykis frequently called into the Adam Carolla radio show on KLSX to laugh at tragic news stories. Genius.)

Do yourself a favor and subscribe on iTunes today. If you enjoy, send the man a few ducats via PayPal.

Check out the rest of my blog!

4th fun on the 3rd

My suburb had its Independence Day festival tonight. I don't normally enjoy outdoor activities in the summer, but this started at 7, Mrs. Bart sneaked in some frozen booze (sangria, if you must know) and we enjoyed the polka style of the Brave Combo. All in all a very enjoyable evening.

My plans for the actual 4th of July? Swimming, grilling up some kosher hot dogs, and smoking Cuban cigars. Suck it, Johnny Law. This is America.

Check out the rest of my blog!

A friendly word from your friendly blogger

Hello, friends. It's your old pal Bart here, from This Man Must Be Stopped.com.

If you're anything like me, you enjoy flash-based games such as those on the Homestar Runner web site.

And, if you're anything like me, you also delight in the zany antics of Jesse Thorn and Jordan Morris on the wonderful podcast Jordan, Jesse, Go!. Except when they don't have enough sense to realize that the Danny DeVito Limoncello ad is a clever visual pun: he's not holding a lyre, or a mysterious Italian string instrument of undetermined make / model; it's a freaking cello! Lemon... cello... Limoncello!

Sorry, friends, I got a little sidetracked.

Well, as I said, if you're anything like me, and enjoy the previous things I've named, then you'll love the Jordan, Jesse Game! It's flash-based, which we've already established you like, and it's based on Jordan, Jesse, Go! Follow their wacky adventures from the comfort of your own screen.

Need further proof? How's about this here screen shot from the game?

 

Yes, that's Jordan and Jesse (holding his dog) aboard an alien spaceship speaking via view-screen with none other than John Hodgman! Notice the bottle of Dan Aykroyd Crystal Head Vodka and the picture of a hobo behind John Hodgman. That's the kind of detail you just won't get in other flash-based games that aren't based on the Jordan, Jesse, Go! podcast.

Now, I'm not saying this game is the next 'The Force Unleashed' or anything. Heck, it's not even the next 'Shadows of the Empire'. For one, both of those are Star Wars games, and this is based on a podcast. And it's in public beta at the moment. Still, there's worse things you could be doing with your time. Trust me.

Check out the rest of my blog!

Holiday weekend no-nos

I love the predictability of local news during the runup to the July 4th weekend. You'll always hear the same stories / advice:

1. Don't shoot off your own fireworks - it's illegal / too dry out!

2. It'll be hot, so stay cool!

2a. Turn on your air conditioners, old people, or else go someplace like the mall that's already air conditioned!

3. Boat safety!

4. Grill safety!

5. Grilling while boating safety!

6. Watch the kids while they're swimming!

7. Don't shoot your guns into the air! It's illegal / too dry out! (What we really mean: you're in America now, not your horrible homeland where that behavior is tolerated.)

You might even get a mention of the "summer driving season" and hear complaints about gas prices. Doesn't matter what the price is, if you take a camera crew to a gas station, within 5 minutes you can find someone to complain.

Either this is important information that we need to have drilled into our skulls year after year, or it's the result of a lazy news media during a typically slow part of the news year. If it's the former, can we find less obnoxious ways of communicating this to the people that need to know it? (Incidentally, how many times do we need to tell people not to do something that's already illegal?) If it's the latter, and we really don't need to add this "advice" to the background noise of our daily lives, let's agree to pick a grade when kids need to learn this, and do it then. That way the grownups can avoid having someone advise them to stay cool when it's hot outside.

Check out the rest of my blog!

My own Michael Jackson weirdness

Sure, Michael Jackson's all over the news today. But there's some weird stuff going on with Jacko and the Bartman. In a way, his death was like the capstone of my most Michael Jackson-intensive week ever.

Item #1: on Monday, I was listening to the latest episode of Doug Benson's delightful podcast, I Love Movies. It's a simple enough concept - he brings guests onstage at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater and talks about movies. The guests range from people you've never heard of to Kevin Pollak, Sarah Silverman, and Jon Hamm. The guests you've not heard of are generally funny. Except the women, who tend to be airheads. At any rate, the conversation turned to Francis Ford Coppola, because he's got a new movie coming out, and Doug Benson revealed that he'd been a backup dancer in 'Captain EO'. "What the hell is 'Captain EO'", you may wonder. Oh, it was the Francis Ford Coppola-directed, Michael Jackson-starring short film that was made for Disney theme parks. It looks incredibly bizarre.

Apparently the story with backup dancing was that the movie went over-budget, so Coppola had to fire the professional backup dancers and just brought in anyone he could find. That's how a pothead comedian with no discernable coordination ended up as a dancer. While describing his experience, Doug said "Oh yeah, Michael Jackson was definitely a child molester." Because any time he wasn't filming, he had a young child on his lap, and they were whispering to each other and giggling.

So that's Michael Jackson item #1. A random call-back to a weird 20-year-old Disney theme park video.

Item #2: whilst listening to the Pretty Good Podcast on Wednesday, the hosts started talking about how much each of them loves the Michael Jackson song 'Stranger in Moscow'. I'm not familiar, but at the end of the podcast they play some of it, and I think, hmm, I like it. It's un-Michael-Jackson-y. Kind of like people who don't like Woody Allen movies like 'Match Point', I'm not a big Jacko fan, but right then & there I downloaded 'Stranger in Moscow' on my iPhone. (Later I was trying to decide if I'd ever owned any Michael Jackson music, but I think as a kid I had a 7-inch record of 'Thriller'. Christ, if that doesn't date me, nothing does.)

Item #3: Jacko dies on Thursday.

So, there you have it. My most Jacko-intensive week ever. Ne'er to be beaten, thanks to his untimely demise.

Say what you will, my first thought when I heard the guy was dead was: that's a relief. Not for me, but for him. In the same way that when someone who's terminally ill dies, I think, well, at least they're not horribly suffering any more.

If you want a proper tribute, go read Roger Ebert.

Check out the rest of my blog!