The mostest wonderfulest time of the year!

Gather 'round, kids, and let your Uncle Bart tell you about the magic of the holiday season. This is your Uncle Bart's favorite time of year. Who can guess why?

"To celebrate the birth of Our Lord?"

Um... no. That part's great and all, don't get me wrong, but no.

"To spend time with family?"

Wow. Were you intentionally trying to get that wrong? No. Because you know what's worse than seeing your family? Pretending that you're having a good time. And that's what you have to do during the holidays. Are you the one that was dropped on your head as a baby? Well, I guess you wouldn't remember. Anyway, no. Next.

"Because of the presents?"

Mmm, close. You're clearly the brightest of my nieces, nephews, and assorted demi-relations here today. Because that is close. Not quite there, but close.

Any other guesses? No? Is everyone here destined to end up in junior college? OK, I'll tell you. I love this time of year because when you buy booze, you get an extra gift. Yes, it's a present, but not from some clueless relation. It's like a present from one of your closest friends, who knows you better than anyone. You're like, "Oh, Tullamore Dew, you shouldn't have! How did you know I needed a decanter?" Or, "Gee, Knob Creek, I've been wanting a flask with your name on it! Now I can take your delicious taste wherever I go!" Or, "Gentleman Jack, those martini glasses will be perfect for serving a variety of drinks. You're the best!"

I mean seriously, what did you little punks get me for Christmas? A fridge magnet? A mixed CD that you burned 30 copies of? Ask yourself this: did you get me ANYTHING that is anywhere as good as any of my free holiday booze presents? No? Well next year, take a clue from my friends Tully, Creek and Jack and get me something GOOD. And if you need your parents to chip in for the cost, that's OK too. It just shows you love your Uncle Bart.

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In all seriousness, I dragged Mrs. Bart to a mega-liquor store last weekend just to look at the holiday gift packs. Between my love of free gifts and my love of swag, each year I'm giddy when these gift packs show up and sad when they leave. Mrs. Bart pointed out that we're all good on glass-ware (branded or not), so I got the Knob Creek + flask gift pack. Score.

Street Justice

Literally.

Federal Bureau of Manners: The Nod from Larry Miller

10 Minutes to Lie

Alyssa Milano and other celebrities would have you believe it only takes 10 minutes to vote:

10 Minutes from Alyssa Milano

Even leaving out transit time, it took me over an hour to vote, and I voted early. I've voted on election day before and it was a total nightmare.

Ever year I swear that next time I'll request an absentee ballot. Maybe next time I'll remember.

Until next time, remember: Alyssa Milano is a liar.

Also, I was pissed off that Eric McCormack was telling me how to vote because he's Canadian, until I read that he also has US citizenship. So I'm only half pissed.

Thanks, Robo Chicky

After seeing the Robot Chicken guys do a panel at this year's Star Wars Celebration, I decided it was time for me to catch up on the show. One of my favorite bits so far:



I love the transition from happy skipping / singing to full-on shrieking.

Nagging question answered

I hate unanswered questions - they tend to stick around in my head. So it's nice when one gets answered.

About 2.5 years ago, Mrs. Bart and I were in California for one of my famous hybrid work / leisure trips. She popped into a Trader Joe's to buy an enormous container of blackberries. I still remember how good they were - they were cheap and from Mexico, and absolutely perfect.

After parking the car I went into TJ's to find Mrs. Bart, and there was a song playing on the store's speaker system. It wasn't loud, but it was distinctive and the melody stuck in my head. I knew I'd heard it before, but I simply couldn't put a name to it. I also hadn't heard a sufficiently long string of lyrics to piece it together with a Google search.

Every now and then this song popped up again in my head, but I was no closer to figuring out what it was. UNTIL TONIGHT.

I rarely watch broadcast TV, but I was tonight, and a commercial came on. About 3 seconds into it, I was like, holy crap, that's the song! There was no doubt in my mind. Plus, I heard enough of the lyrics so that I could do a Google search and figure out what the song was.

And the winner is...

...from 1971, "Brand New Key" by Melanie!

Yeah, I was stumped by an early 70s novelty song. However embarrassed you may be for me, trust me, I'm more embarrassed.

But the good news is, that's one nagging question answered.

A Bart original animated short

Be forewarned: there is bad news about Frank.

iPhone photo editing & gourmet burgers

I was enjoying a burger at the Twisted Root for lunch on Sunday (because there's nothing like going to Quaker church and then paying $14 for a hamburger and fried green beans) when I saw this poster hanging in the restaurant:

I thought it was a really neat design, but I also thought that, given the faux-weathered look of the Twisted Root, they might enjoy a more weathered-looking poster. So, iPhone photo editing software to the rescue!

Improvement? Detriment? I dunno. The coolness still shines through, it's just less... legible. And clean looking. Actually if I was sitting next to a poster that had naturally become this dirty, I would not want to eat in whatever restaurant I happened to be in.

So remember, kids, be sure to stop by Twisted Root for "Chickity Check Yo'self B4 U Wreck Yo'Self Saturday Nights". If only they sold chicken sandwiches, that would be perfect.